May 20, 2019

How to show RESPECT to your spouse!

Not everyone knows how to show respect to their mate, so I thought I would share some basic advice on how to respect your spouse.

I was recently scrolling through Facebook and saw something kinda sad.  Shocker, I know.

The post was asking about someone’s mate and really very personal. The one spouse was going on about how the other wouldn’t go to counseling, but that they wanted to go.  This person was basically airing marital grievances on social media. My first reaction was, kinda shocked, and my second reaction was kinda sad.

Sad for this lack of community in real life face to face relationships, that people feel the desperation to share private matters of their marriages, online. Then it got me thinking, do most people even know how to respect their spouse? While this was something modeled pretty well for me at home, I know this is not the case for everyone else.

So here I am, sharing what respect looks like from my point of view.

  • Keep your marriage problems off line. Don’t blast your husband/wife on social media. How would you feel if they did this to you? Do you really think this will help resolve disputes or issues? Heck NO! Just don’t do it.
  • Argue nicely. Yep, you read that correctly. We all have disagreements with our mates. It happens on a regular basis. Working through things with mutual respect for each other is the best way to argue. Try not to bring up everything including the kitchen sink into the conversation. Discuss what the issue is without throwing other things up in their face, especially if you’ve already resolved and forgiven the offense.
  • Be your spouses helper. If you see them struggling, offer to help or ask what you can do to ease their stress.
  • Don’t fight or have heated arguments in public or in front of your kids. No body wants to see the train wreck, and you’ll be embarrassed once your head cools off. Keep your business between you and your man and don’t fight in front of your children. Kids need to see mom and dad have differences and work through them, but they don’t need to see you yell or be hateful to each other.

If learning to respect your spouse is new to you, don’t be overwhelmed. Simply choose one new habit to work on.

  • Look for new friends if your current ones poison your marriage. If your girls night out is just a husband bashing marathon, you may need new girlfriends. If you have friends who constantly put their spouse down, don’t ask them for marital advice. Seek counsel from someone who has had a successful marriage and shares your same values.
  • Discuss major purchases with each other before making a decision that affects the other person. For some couples, this may be $100, for others, $1000. You know if you need to pump the brakes and consider the other person’s opinion, especially if it could cause a financial hardship.
  • Talk about your spouse in a positive light. Share the best things about them, instead of their shortcomings.
  • Don’t tell your momma everything your husband does to upset you. I know I’d be unhappy if my husband told his mom every time I let him down or upset him. And it sure would case a rift in my relationship with my husband and my MIL. Having a trusted confidant is wise, but in my opinion, it’s not a good idea for that person to be your mom or MIL.

One other thing I want to bring up is that if you have kids, they are learning what a normal relationship is from you. This thought has me constantly course correcting myself.

Here are some resources I have used over the years to learn more about being a good mate:

Another resource is Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages Test


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